Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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