Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
