Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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