conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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