He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
