Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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