the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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