If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize