The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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