omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
