is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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