Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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