so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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