He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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