He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
