There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
