How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
