I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
