I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and she was petting her beer can
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
