Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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