i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
