Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
