so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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