we have pet lesbian snakes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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