so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
