Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
