Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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