He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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