To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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