I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
