woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
