I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
