the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
