I have demons in me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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