We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
