I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
