you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
