so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
