Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
