He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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