Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nutella sex= disaster
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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