I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
