some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
