my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
