the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to calm my uterus...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
