he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
