went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
