There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
