Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
