dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
