Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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