He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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