Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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