my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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