My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
