It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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