I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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