I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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