Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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