what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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