It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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