Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
