They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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