please come you make the beer taste better
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
