So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who died my cat blue again?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
