If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
