Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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