Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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